Today I found an article about 29 Habits to Break Before Turning 30. Now, as you may know, I have already arrived at my third decade of life, and some of the habits listed within this post I can proudly say I actually did break within the last few years (hooray for me!) However, there were a few stubborn traits that I am having trouble parting with, one being not pursing something I love.
Some can assume that laziness is a factor in my lack of accomplishments in life, but really, its because I can talk myself out of anything, at anytime, any day! Not that I am not lazy (because that was going to be the other habit I wish I didn’t have if I didn’t choose this one) but its not laziness that is the little voice inside my head telling me I can’t do something.
I have always had big dreams. I had multiple majors when in [community] college, I attended two different trade schools (cosmetology and culinary), and I even planned on moving up within a company I had worked for for a few years but instead, I quit a few months before beginning the stepping stone process. I have asked myself if I am really just that indecisive. Although I admit that I can be, its really because I didn’t believe I would be good enough at any of those things so I just bailed (minus culinary school; I mentioned that in 15 facts about me) Every major I ever wanted to pursue, I convinced myself that I could not complete the prerequisites, and/or, it would take too long and I would be too old to start a career in “insert any career title here”. This blog almost didn’t make it passed two, or three posts, because I didn’t think I had enough interesting things to write about.
Why do I tell myself I cannot accomplish anything? Well, that is the million dollar question. I am sure my mental health (anxiety and depression) play a role in it. It definitely does get frustrating because I want to be successful at more than just being a housewife, I just can’t seem to allow myself. Of course, I don’t want this post to turn into a therapy session (too late?) but the only solution I see to this problem is to dig deep, find the root, and squash it.
There is a quote, and I am not sure where it originated from but its, “Don’t Die Before You’re Dead”. Whenever I think of this bad habit of mine, where I sell myself short on pretty much everything, I think of that quote. Maybe I need to start taking my own advice and tell that voice in my head to shut it, and start enjoying every moment for what it is. It’s good to have goals but it’s better to enjoy the journey than solely focus on the destination.